You smell like stripper and shame
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize