Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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