Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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