Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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