I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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