ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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