Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
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There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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