o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize