that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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