jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize