he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
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Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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