He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
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Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
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Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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