Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
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I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
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I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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