I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
