She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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