I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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