I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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