I have demons in me.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uberlube is also flammable
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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