Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
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He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
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I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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