i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
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I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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