How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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