yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
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if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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