He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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