At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
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The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
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It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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