I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Randomize