Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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