If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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