So drunk its hurt
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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