My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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