I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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