dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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