Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
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is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
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I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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