she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
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is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
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You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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