I will die if light touches me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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