who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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