32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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