my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
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There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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