I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
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Best friends brother. Beat that.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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