She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize