i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
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Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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