So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
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she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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