youre lurking in front of me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just gift wrapped bread.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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