I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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