Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
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i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
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How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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