So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
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bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
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You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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