youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize