why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize