I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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