I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
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I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
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Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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