Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just sent this text using only my big toe
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
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If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
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I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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