So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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