Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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