i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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